Sex Offenders: What should we tell our child?

You may wish to order a Polly Klaas® Foundation Child Safety Kit if you have not already done so.

Remind your child of the safety rules:

Tell your child it's ok to say no to adults. A child who feels threatened should loudly yell "NO! You're not my Mom" (or Dad), and scream and attract lots of attention. Safety is more important than politeness. There are times we want our children to be loud and rude in order to be safe.

Children should know the private parts of their bodies (parts covered by a bathing suit) and should say "NO!" and tell their parents or a trusted adult if someone touches their private parts or asks them to touch someone else's. If the adult doesn't listen, children should be taught to tell and keep on telling until someone believes them. Parents must listen, believe and support children who report touches that are "Not Okay."

Teach your child to always ask permission before accepting sweets or gifts, or going somewhere with anyone, even someone they know.

Children should never go places alone. They are safer with a friend.

Children should always let someone know where they go. Parents can set a good example by telling children when they are going out, when they will return, and where they can be reached. Think of how you will want your teenager to let you know where she is going, with whom, when she will return, and if she will be late. Set a good example by treating her the same way you expect her to treat you.

Predators use tricks to lure children, for example, asking them to help find a lost pet, or to give directions, or to help carry something. Teach your child that adults do not need to ask children for help. If an adult asks for help, a child should say no, run away, and tell their parents or another responsible adult. Children should always stay 3 big steps back from occupied cars.

A child should tell a parent or a trusted adult if anyone offers gifts, money, or a job; if someone wants to take their picture; if someone tries to make them keep a secret. If an adult won't listen, teach your child to keep on telling until someone does listen.

If home alone, a child should know never to say that a parent isn't there and not to open the door if someone knocks or rings the bell.

You may want to show your child a photograph of the offender

Explain that this is a person they might see around who has tried to trick kids before.

If this person tries to talk to them they should immediately take three steps back, run away, and tell you or another adult.

Practice "What If..." scenarios

Say to your child, "What would you do if someone offered you a treat, or a gift or money when I wasn't there?" Help your child arrive at the right answer, which is to say no, and ask you first.

Try a variation on this game. "What if someone offered you a treat, or a gift or money when I am there?" The best answer is still, "No, I have to ask my dad (or mom) first."

"If you got lost when we were out at the grocery store, who do you think would be a safe person to ask for help?" Possible solutions are: the person who takes the money when you buy something (not all young children understand the word "cashier") or a mother with kids. Then ask, "What if the person you asked for help told you to go with them to look for me?" Best answer: No, stay right there and wait for you. Then talk about getting lost in other places, like on the way home from school, or at a flea market, because safe people to ask for help may be different in different places.

"What if a man stopped his car near you while you were walking home from school and told you he needed help to look for a lost puppy?" Stay three big steps back from the car, yell "No," and run to find a safe adult to tell. Older children can understand it's best to run in the opposite direction from the way the car is going.

Then ask the same question substituting "kitten" or "bunny" for "puppy." Make sure children know the warning applies to all animals. Children are very literal-minded and it's possible they might think it was safe to help look for kittens because they had only been warned about puppies.

When your child is comfortable talking through a "What If..." question, role-play the same question. "Okay, so let's pretend we're at the store looking for shoes and you look around and can't find me and decide to ask a cashier for help. What would you say?" (Coach your child in what to say. If she feels uncomfortable saying, "I'm lost," it's okay to say, "My dad got lost. Can you help me?" "Great! You said that nice and loud. Now, what would you say if the cashier said, 'C'mon. Let's go look for your dad.'" "NO. I have to stay right here and wait for him."

"What do you think would be some times a kid should say 'No' to an adult." When you and your child have come up with some answers, for example, the guy in the bakery who says to come in the back to get a cookie, say, "Okay, now you be the guy in the bakery and I'll be you saying no," and demonstrate a loud, sure "NO!" Then switch roles: "Now you do it." "Right! That's great!"

One of a child's greatest protections is the ability to say "No" to adults when appropriate, but this is very hard for them to do. Help them discover when it's a good idea to say it, then help them practice saying it loudly and firmly. Be sure they can shout it! And help them practice the "no" actions, too (running for help, telling a trusted adult). Reassure them that you won't be mad if they make a mistake. It's all part of the process of learning to be safe.

Kids often hear the scary information at school

Be prepared to reassure your child with factual safety information in case they have heard scary rumors or misinformation from other children.

Children can easily translate vague adult warnings into stories about lunatics and monsters.

Acknowledge children's fears, but take the opportunity to provide specific information and instill skills that can potentially help your child.

Listen to your child

Remember that the best thing you can do to protect your child is to listen.

A relationship based on love, respect and open communication will let your child bring questions and fears to you, and will help you discuss scary subjects with your child in matter-of-fact ways.